pre-empting the final goodbyes...the ones that will mean the most.

Yup, this is trying to blog after one of those heavily emotional, thought-drenched moments that I encounter these days. I am the biggest advocate for sayings that put the focus on families to be the craziest bunch. I have my grudges and I can complain till eternity. But then, there are moments when I realize that perhaps not everyone is a natural at parenting. Many of them got into parenting, hoping life would teach them along the way, equip them with all the accessories needed to ensure that a family stays well-knit, as closely packed as a bunch of newly-born puppies. Similarly, not all of them realized or got the reality-check that there is a hell lot of planning to do, there is too much at stake, and that parenting is a postcard that never reaches its recipients when it should. So, what am I babbling about?

The fact that I know acknowledge that my folks really tried hard. I know they worked through the worst moments in their personal and professional lives to ensure that the kids were never vulnerable. Yes, they could have done it a lot better. Obviously, they committed too many mistakes. And as always, I will always have a list of moments, days, months, years, and phases where I feel life could have been managed a lot better. But then, there are parents who don’t do the bare minimum. Leave alone children, they can’t protect the animals they house as pets. Whatever assets my folks put together was borne from pure grit. They did not have any handouts. They didn’t get recommended to any profile. The battled for every penny, added more numbers after the decimals in their pay-cheques, and ensured that the imperfect upbringing had all the right comforts that an upper middle-class, somewhat progressive family could afford. Today, the years of finger-pointing have passed. I now realize the unappreciated efforts that are invested in buying a home, grooming it as a living space, and then weaving it into a home.

My folks are perhaps in the last phase of their lives, and most probably, they will never get to read this confession or understand what fueled it but without any doubt, I can own-up to the fact that as much as my upbringing could have been massively better, I could have also ended-up with infinitely worst parents. Today, my sins are a part of what constitutes me. My mistakes define me. The scars I used to carry as questions are now a source of wisdom. I will be 38 this year and perhaps, the time to make-up for lost time has gone. I can only trust God or Destiny, whichever is real and functional, to perhaps pass on the message…YOU GUYS ARE MY SUPER-HEROES – WITH YOU, I committed a million mistakes & have a truckload of What-ifs but without you, I might have been an even bigger disaster.

I miss you even though you are there, I miss it all even though I am always here...